Many women feel more emotionally connected to their man when they express their thoughts and feelings to him. Women often rely more on other women for emotional support. These days, long-term committed relationships and marriages are expected to be a safe haven of emotional support for both genders. But there are important gender differences to consider to help men stay engaged in conversation.
Some tips for women on how to talk to your man so he will listen:
- Since men feel more relaxed when doing an activity, then some of the best times to have a conversation is while doing something together like going for a walk together.
- If he is already doing something on his own do not assume he is free to talk. Ask him: “Is now a good time to talk?” and if he says no, then ask when it would be better.
- Try to be clear about the point you want to make. Many men become inattentive to long explanations that give a lot of detail. They may miss the main point and feel frustrated.
- As well as remembering to get to the point, try to focus on facts, not the feelings so much. Remember that most women have a more active emotional vocabulary than many men. Most men, like Sergeant Friday of the 60’s TV show Dragnet, prefer “The facts ma’am, just the facts.”
- Start softly and plan how you will introduce the issue. Research shows that a gentle, unemotional start will more likely keep your partner engaged and help them stay open to any uncomfortable feelings you need to share.
- State your complaints in the form of concerns about how you feel about the situation not as criticisms of what he has done wrong. Do not blame him and try not to make him feel inadequate.