As a therapist, I feel honoured to become involved directly and very personally in people’s lives. I feel it is important to share some personal as well as professional information about my life. I believe my personal life influences my professional life and vice versa. I think you deserve to know a little bit about my lived experience.
I am a father of three amazing young adults who are all happy and successful in their personal and work lives. I am a grandfather of two adorable little girls, too. Above all else, being a father is the most important role in life for me. Creating a healthy, positive family life, where children grow up well is not a simple endeavour. But trying to do so is one of the most satisfying, and at times, the most challenging responsibility.
I have always enjoyed being with children. As a teenager, I began working with “troubled children” at summer camps progressing from counsellor to camp director in my early twenties. I found that combining the love of the outdoors and a sense of community made a wonderful environment to teach children important life lessons about themselves and others. As I had been fortunate to have had a comfortable life growing up, I wanted to help those who have not.
As I began to study Psychology and then Social Work at university, I worked with “difficult youth” in group homes, treatment centres and juvenile detention. It opened my eyes to many difficult and tragic situations. At the same time, it inspired me when I was able to witness how some young people overcame huge obstacles.
Eventually, I turned my attention to learning about families. I wanted to learn how to help parents create families that provided the best atmosphere for raising and launching healthy children into adulthood. I studied extensively and applied what I learned as a couples and family therapist and with couples, adolescents, and their families.
My strong interest and my natural listening skills helped me become a very good family therapist, good at empathizing with both parents and teens. I have been told that I’m extremely good at bridging the gap between them. When both parties are feeling discouraged, I find the strengths and positive intentions of parents. This way, they can see the strengths in their teens, reduce the emotional reactivity, and then find positive ground on which to build success and overcome the challenges.
I discovered both professionally and personally how difficult parenting is, by being humbled by my own children. They taught me a great deal about how to be a father. The teen years are particularly challenging. Our kids can hurt us to our core. They also can be a great source of joy and pride. Good parenting requires patience and perseverance.
I also learned professionally and personally how fragile the bond of marriage can become. Falling in love is pretty easy. Keeping that love alive is so much harder. There are tremendous pressures and expectations on couples. Long hours at work, two careers, and raising children in a world where they are exposed to many temptations, financial pressures, health problems, and alcohol, or drug overuse, to name a few. I know how easy it is for little problems that are neglected or avoided, to turn into bigger more serious problems in a longer-term relationship.
My own marriage of 23 years ended 19 years ago. Despite every effort we made, including couples therapy at several points during the marriage, we were not able to save it. It is a humbling experience knowing what I know professionally, and not being able to keep my personal relationship alive. After the separation, I grieved the loss of our marriage and the potential of a life-long intact family. I focused on helping my children adjust to the loss of the family as they knew it. I became closer to my children even though I saw them less often. I was more deliberate in making sure I attended to their needs.
I was eventually ready to date and found and fell deeply in love with a wonderful woman. We dated for several years as we each adjusted to being separated while being ever mindful of each of our teenagers’ well-being. We both tried to put our children’s needs first, while not neglecting our deepening relationship. We have now lived very happily together for ten years, and have a very fun, secure, and loving relationship. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance at finding love.
In 2017, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma Cancer. It was a shock, and I was understandably very scared. I lost my father to cancer when I was 27 years old. For two years, I was under excellent care, receiving surgeries, radiation, and immunotherapy to eliminate the cancerous tumours. By 2019, I was tumour-free – and have been for over 5 years now. I am extremely grateful for the advances of modern medicine and to be living now when only a decade ago I would not. I am thankful for the loving support of my partner, my children, extended family, and friends.
Like anyone facing the possibility of death before they are ready, it taught me about my inner strength, how to raise my spirits and about my resilience. It also showed me the love others had for me. I tell this very personal story because everyone’s life can be disrupted by a loss or change. I have had to find within myself inner strengths, and therefore know the benefit of helping others do the same.
The pandemic impacted everyone’s life. Some have suffered more losses and challenges than others. The necessary restrictions on our freedoms have made individuals, couples, and families more distressed. Loss of employment, serious illness, working remotely, and disconnection from family and friends have caused even more relationship and mental health challenges.
As we reflect on our own lives or those we know, it is clear that life is full of triumphs and failures, and joy and sorrow. However:
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
– Buddha
I bring my breadth of knowledge, skill and experience to help you with your marriage or long-term relationship, as parents of teens, and the personal challenges of loss or trauma you are facing. I have also experienced what it is like to be a client. Throughout my life, I have been in couples therapy, long-term psychotherapy and family therapy with my adult family members. I think it has been helpful for me to have experience as a client to become a better therapist.
While I was an average student when I was young, I have always loved learning as an adult. I stay current with the most effective approaches to help address a wide range of challenges through professional training, supervision and extensive reading. Throughout my career, as a clinical supervisor for therapists in a public child and family service organization, a university field instructor of Masters level student social workers and as a clinical supervisor of therapists, continuous learning through teaching others has been important to me.
I also like to learn from you how to be successful. I do that by getting your feedback at the end of each session, writing comprehensive notes and trying to help focus our work together every time we meet.
At this point in my career after over 40 years, I continue to love what I do. Seeing couples, families and individuals overcome obstacles, access their resilience, and rekindle love, always brings me great joy. While the work is not always easy, I constantly feel very fortunate to be able to make a meaningful difference in the quality of other people’s lives.
Education & Training:
- I am a Clinical Social Worker with a Masters of Social Work (M.S.W.) from the University of Toronto, and graduated in 1982. I have a B.A. (Hons.) from the University of Western Ontario, 1978.
- I am registered to practice by the Ontario College of Social Workers.
- I am a certified EFT Therapist by the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. I have advanced specialized training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which has a success rate of long-lasting satisfaction of 75% – compared to 35% in most other forms of couples therapy.
- I am a certified EFT Supervisor which means that I provide supervision to other couples and family therapists who want to improve their skills and knowledge of effective EFT therapy.
- I studied at the International Family Therapy Practicum, Rome, Italy in 1989 and 1991.
- Employment history includes Children’s Mental Health Centres: Thistletown (1982-83), Oolagen (1984-86), Kinark (1987-98).
- As a self-employed counsellor and therapist, I have worked with: Employee Assistance Programs, 1993 – 1999, Source Line Wellness, 1999 – Present
- I have operated my own private practice since 1985.
Specialties:
- Couples Therapy – (Certified EFT Couples Therapist) – affair recovery, improved communication and rekindled emotional and physical intimacy.
- Family Therapist and Parent Teen Counsellor (EFFT Family Therapist – Levels 1 and 2)– parent and teen conflict, parenting after divorce and remarriage, A.D.H.D., difficult behaviour.
- Counselling for Adults, Teens and Young Adults (EFIT Individual Therapist – Levels 1 and 2)– Relationship problems, grief, loss, trauma, anger management, depression, stress, anxiety, and panic.
- Psychotherapy for Adults (EFIT Individual Therapist)– Adjustment to major life changes like death or divorce, adults dealing with childhood abuse trauma.
Those who have come to see me have reported that I am very approachable and empathic. Some of the feedback I’ve received includes the following:
“A very sensitive and caring person.”
“Someone who always made me feel good about myself.”
“Really helpful in clarifying issues.”
“Soft-spoken and emphatic without being patronizing.”
“I immediately felt comfortable in his office – neither judged or rushed. I felt really listened to and that my concerns were real.”
“He is insightful and patient; very skilled at helping us both to become aware of how we were communicating with each other.”
“Allan provided great ideas, and practical suggestions.”
If you think you or your family could benefit from counselling or therapy, please book your free Initial Phone Consultation so I can answer your questions or to make an appointment.
To claim payments through your employee extended health benefits package, please check if your benefits provider covers Registered Social Workers. If they do, then you will be able to claim reimbursement with the receipts.
