Are you fed up with the pain, struggle, or feelings of emptiness in your relationship?
EFT Couples Therapy or marriage counselling can help you resolve the relationship problems that you can’t seem to sort out together.
Are these things happening to you too often?
- Biting your tongue to avoid an argument
- Fighting too much with your partner
- Critical of your partner most of the time or feel constantly criticized by them
- Guarded and distant from your partner
- Always trying to please your partner and getting nothing in return
- Losing the respect for your partner that you once had
- Comparing your relationship to those who seem happier
- Getting the silent treatment from your partner
- Wondering whether it’s possible to find the passion that was once there
- Wishing you were having more sex, or that having sex was more fun
- Raising your voice and saying things you regret later
- Having flirtatious conversations with the opposite sex other than your partner
- Unsuccessful at solving even minor problems on your own
“For all of us, the person we love most in the world, the one who can send us soaring joyfully into space, is also the person who can send us crashing back to earth. All it can take is a slight turning away of the head or a flip careless remark. There is no closeness without sensitivity. If our connection with our mate is safe and strong, we can deal with these moments of insensitivity. But when we don’t feel safe and connected, these moments are like a spark in a tinder forest. They set fire to the whole relationship” (From p.65 Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson, 2008)
Research shows there is one primary reason why marriages fail.
Your marriage will not fail because of too much arguing, because of financial problems, too much conflict or lack of sex. Your marriage is most likely to fail because of lack of affection and emotional responsiveness.
The truth is that most marriages die from neglect.
Marriage problems begin when you experience an absence of positive intimate interactions. A knowing smile, an affectionate wink, a compliment, making the other laugh, a gentle touch or unexpected hug – these are gestures of affection and positive emotional responsiveness.
If you are like most people, as a man, you may tend to experience this by feeling rejected, inadequate, or like a failure. As a woman, you may tend to experience this as feeling abandoned, alone and disconnected.
Many couples come for counselling long after emotional responsiveness has decreased and when affection is in short supply. It feels like you are living in a roommate relationship. These couples ask for help when loneliness is so unbearable that one is ready to divorce.
What a satisfied couple who wrote to thank me said:
I wanted to reach out to you because we just celebrated our 20-year anniversary yesterday and we wouldn’t have been here without you.
A year ago, our marriage was completely shattered, and you helped us to look within ourselves and each other. You helped us to communicate and be vulnerable. You gave so many valuable tools and guided us in a way that brought us back to each other. Our marriage has gone through a rebirth, and we owe a lot of the healing to you.
We are so very happy! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. We are beyond grateful for finding you when we did! *
Don’t wait until you or your partner is ready to throw in the towel on your relationship!
Know the signs that your relationship is in trouble and be courageous enough to seek help.
All relationships change and evolve over time. As each of you age, your relationship needs to grow along with you. Sometimes that growth is smooth and sometimes there are some serious bumps along the way.
As an EFT Couples Therapist, I have shown thousands of couples how to solve their struggles and become happier in their relationship.
You may be skeptical that therapy can save your marriage. I understand that. I cannot prevent all couples who see me from divorcing. On the other hand, I have a very high success rate with those couples who make a strong commitment to the process of counselling.
In research studies of EFT (Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy), 75-85% of couples who continue for more than six sessions report a far more satisfying relationship at the conclusion of therapy and in six month follow ups. They report gaining much greater insight into themselves and have the skills to solve their own problems. My success rate is the same.
Couples therapy is a collaborative endeavour. I bring a combination of extensive professional knowledge and training along with a warm personal style. This is a good fit for most couples. I have been told that I’m compassionate and patient. I can also be very direct and tough, when needed. I’m not the kind of therapist that just nods his heads and say “Uh huh”. I stay current with the latest couples counselling research and have a creative mind, I have plenty of ideas on how to help you improve your relationship.
Begin repairing your relationship:
What You Can Expect from Couples Therapy
Many couples enter therapy when they are in great distress and when their own efforts to solve the problems have been unsuccessful. Often issues have been developing for years without any success at resolution. Usually, one member of the couple is more eager to get help from a couples therapist. Often people think that as a therapist, I am going to tell them what is wrong and then tell their partner what he or she needs to do to change. It does not work that way. Instead, I help you build on the strengths in your relationship and guide you to solutions to overcome the challenges you face. Marriage counselling, couples therapy or relationship counselling can help save some relationships. It can also help you examine the problems and then decide whether you have the determination to work on them or not. Regular weekly couples therapy appointments are necessary at the outset to help you make immediate changes and generate hope.
Still have some questions?
When you book your phone consultation you will receive a link to my online calendar. You can then book a free Phone Consultation appointment into my online schedule. I want to know a little about your situation so I know whether I can help you and explain the process if I can.
- First Three Couples Therapy Sessions. Both of you attend together for the first couples therapy session which is 90 minutes. During the first 90-minute session with both of you, I will hear the concerns that each of you have about your relationship. Each will be able to speak freely, and I will make the session as comfortable as possible. I listen with compassion to fully understand your situation. You can tell me what you hope to accomplish.
- For the second session each person will be seen for their own confidential individual session. This provides each an opportunity to share concerns the therapist needs to know without worry of hurting their partners feelings. A history of your significant relationships will be taken to help me learn about how you deal with emotions in relationships.
- The third session is for both of you. I will explain to you how each one’s attachment style established in childhood impacts your relationship today. Focus and frequency of sessions will be discussed.
- Subsequent Regular Couples Therapy Sessions.
All subsequent couples counselling sessions are 75 minutes long. I see you both together and we usually meet weekly for the next 6 sessions. As with any important endeavour, commitment and persistence are the keys to success. As progress builds, we can increase the interval between sessions to every 2, 3 and 4 weeks.
- Follow-up Couples Therapy Sessions.
I am committed to helping couples make lasting change. I anticipate that after you have accomplished your goals and counselling sessions end, that your relationship continues to improve. Follow ups are made after your last regular session to consolidate the changes and reflect on your journey of growth.
If you think you could benefit from couples therapy, please book your free 15-minute phone consultation.
*All anonymous endorsements on this website were given voluntarily by my clients after the completion of their counselling and in keeping with principles of the Code of Ethics and Standards of the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers.
New Insights Counselling is located in midtown Toronto at Yonge and Eglinton serving North York, Etobicoke, East York, Scarborough and online throughout Ontario.