He may be the most charming man one could imagine; accomplished, handsome and charismatic. Yet at other times he is self-absorbed, full of himself, demeaning and suspicious. She may be the best dressed woman at your child’s parent night. She dominates conversation with her opinions. She has it all, and if you don’t think so, she will be sure to let you know. Perhaps he is two-faced. To everyone else in public, colleagues, friends and acquaintances your partner is amiable, humble, loyal and upstanding, but in private he is critical, detached, entitled and demeaning. A narcissist comes in a variety of roles.
How Many Signs of Narcissism Does Your Partner Have?
If your partner has a difficult personality to live with, they may be a narcissist. It is estimated that 75-80% of them are men. Many experts suggest that the numbers are growing. According to Wendy Behary who wrote Disarming the Narcissist, this is a brief checklist of typical traits of a narcissist:
- Self-absorbed (acts like everything is all about him or her)
- Entitled (makes their own rules; breaks the normal rules)
- Demeaning (puts you down, bullies you)
- Distrustful (suspicious of your motives when you are being nice to him or her)
- Perfectionistic (rigidly high standards – their way or no way)
- Snobbish (believes they are superior to you and others)
- Impatient (gets bored easily)
- Approval seeking (craves constant praise and recognition)
- Un-empathic (uninterested in understanding your inner experience, or unable to do so)
- Unremorseful (cannot offer a genuine heartfelt apology)
- Compulsive (gets consumed with detail and minutiae; maintains regular routines)
- Addictive (cannot let go of bad habits and uses them to self sooth)
- Emotionally detached (steers clear of own and others’ feelings – others’ emotions irritate)