Many women feel more emotionally connected to their partner when they express their thoughts and feelings to him. Throughout history women relied more on other women for emotional support, creating home and community while their men went away to hunt, or to battle. Nowadays, with men at home more and in the absence of the immediate threats of harm and deprivation, women can connect through talking but may need to adapt their style so he will listen.
Here are some tips on how to talk to your man so he will listen to you.
1. Since men feel more relaxed when doing an activity, then some of the best times to have a conversation is while doing something together like going for a walk together. If he is already doing something on his own do not assume he is free to talk. Ask him: “Is now a good time to talk?” and if he says no then ask when.
2. Be brief and to the point. Most men are inattentive to long explanations that give a lot of detail and context. They may feel like you are rambling on then your main point is lost.
3. Do not talk to him as you would your girlfriends. Women have a more active emotional vocabulary than men. Most men, like Sergeant Friday of the 60’s TV show Dragnet, prefer “The facts ma’am, just the facts.”
4. Start softly and plan how you will introduce the issue. Research shows that a gentle, unemotional start will more likely engage your husband and help him stay open to any negative feelings you need to share.
5. State your complaints in the form of statements about how you feel about the situation not as criticisms of what he has done wrong. Do not shame him or make him feel inadequate.
