In every romantic Hollywood movie, there is that one critical scene in which we, the audience, can tell that the couple is falling in love. At these well-crafted moments, the characters make some romantic gesture, a smile, a look or a dreamy gaze into each other’s eyes. We know instantly what has just happened. We can identify with the experience so well that no words are needed…Read More
Do You Know How to De-escalate Couple Conflict?
Almost all couples quarrel from time to time. Those few who don’t, may be afraid of conflict. Quarrelling is not bad for your relationship. In fact, conflict is a normal part of all relationships. It helps us understand different viewpoints and negotiate a compromise. Knowing how to resolve differences respectfully, without hurting your partner’s feelings, is a critical skill for a satisfying long lasting relationship. The first step in this learning process is how to de-escalate disrespectful conflict…Read More
Do You Know What Your Relationship Raw Spots Are?
“For all of us, the person we love most in the world, the one who can send us soaring joyfully into space, is also the person who can send us crashing back to earth. All it takes is a slight turning of the head or flip, careless remark. There is no closeness without this sensitivity. If our connection with our mate is safe and strong, we can deal with these moments of sensitivity. Indeed, we can use them to bring our partners closer. But when we don’t feel safe and connected, these moments are like a spark in a tinder forest. They set fire to the whole relationship.” Sue Johnson Couple Therapist and Author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love…Read More
How to Stop Your Destructive Conversations
All of us can get irritated and reactive with our partner when upset. When this happens, it can cause a chain reaction of volatility. If our relationship is insecure, these reactions turn into negative patterns of interactional behaviour. Some people typically criticize or blame, and others stone wall, avoid or shut down. We all need to defend or protect ourselves at times of distress, especially in an intimate relationship. However, when we feel secure in the relationship, the pattern is short-lived and overcome easily. When we are in a less secure relationship, the negative communication pattern can become habitual, toxic and undermining of the entire relationship. The destructive pattern can become so ingrained and overwhelming that we can feel hopeless about changing it. When we don’t feel safe with our partner, we have to protect ourselves either by avoiding engagement by shutting down, or by becoming critical and fighting to be heard and understood…Read More
How Emotionally Responsive are You?
Research over the past two decades about what is needed for a successful and enduring relationship has made some interesting findings. Unlike other animals on the planet, human being’s long-lasting mating relationships are not just a force to promote reproduction. Love is the important emotional force that is part of the social and psychological bond between humans. Researchers have discovered that love is an aspect of the human experience which is the pinnacle of evolution and the most compelling survival mechanism of the human species. Love drives us to attach emotionally with someone who will offer us psychological shelter from the storms of life. When we feel a loving attachment bond, we feel safe, confident and secure…Read More
