Couples in which the man is introverted and the woman is extroverted tend to have more challenges than couples when the man is extroverted and the woman is introverted. In our culture, extroverted men tend to be seen in a more positive light. The more outgoing, and confident, the more successful and positive they seem. Often introverted men may be seen as weak, indecisive, brooding or unambitious. Woody Allen has made a movie writing career characterizing the introverted male and exaggerating his foibles. He writes then plays the parts of neurotic men who seem oppressed by the extroverted males and annoyed by women who are attracted to them and overlook him.
If you are not sure whether you and your partner are introverted of extraverted see a previously written article: Staying In ‘Sync’ When He Is An Extrovert and She is An Introvert
Opposites attract. The most common pair of opposite temperaments is the extrovert male and the introvert female. It just so happens there are more male extraverts and more female introverts in our society. But the introvert man and extravert woman may also be attracted to each other. One reason that opposites attract, the research has found, is that we like the opportunity to learn new skills from a partner who has a different temperament and abilities than our own.
While opposites usually attract, similarities can also work well in some cases. Studies have found that the introvert-introvert couples report the greatest level of marital satisfaction. These are typically the homebody couple. They are not terribly adventurous, and content that way. In contrast, the extrovert-extrovert couple tends to be fun and exciting at first but may find living together difficult, unable to reflect, identify required priorities to deepen the relationship for it to last.
The following information is based on research by Marti and Michael Laney outlined in their book The Introvert and Extravert in Love. As you read what follows please remember that we all fall somewhere closer to the extraversion or introversion dimension and that at times we can behave like the non dominant temperament. These statements can be qualified by tend to ………. more than the other temperament.
Strengths of Introverts
- listen to understand
- have a calm quiet presence
- give well-thought-out responses
- reflect in order to integrate complex information
- have deep interests, so they are interesting to talk with
- remember what others say
- listen without interrupting
- observe a lot and have delayed responses
- may not disclose their true thoughts or feelings unless asked
- usually have a good sense of humor
- give feedback later about what you have discussed
Strengths of Extroverts
- communicate for stimulation
- expressive and reactive
- think as they speak
- speak and act spontaneously
- can jump from one subject to another quickly
- may not remember what was said
- tend to know lots of topical information
- are masters of conversation in social situations and parties
- have active, spontaneous, lively, and enthusiastic energy
- are fun-loving and open about themselves
- fill in awkward gaps in conversations and are uncomfortable with silence
- offer lots of information without being asked
When the Extrovert Female-Introvert Male Couple Are ‘In Sync’:
- extrovert female isn’t dominated by introverted male
- introverted male doesn’t need to be driven or competitive and is supported by extrovert female
- extrovert female can focus on her career and is supported by partner
- extrovert female can shine and her partner enjoys that
- introvert male can enjoy nontraditional roles like stay at home dad
- introvert male is more attuned to the relationship
- extrovert female feels nurtured and cared for
- have freedom from traditional role expectations
The Challenges of the Extrovert Female-Introvert Male Couple
- introvert male self-esteem is weakened as a result of being viewed in a negative cultural light
- extrovert female feels embarrassed about her partner’s non-traditional masculine image
- extrovert female sees introvert male as week, poor provider or unassertive
- introvert male views extrovert female as overbearing and competitive
- extrovert female feels unprotected
- introvert male feels powerless, emasculated and steamrolled
- extrovert female may not sufficiently encourage introvert male
- introvert male may feel threatened or resentful because of extrovert female’s higher income
- extrovert female may not be sensitive to introvert male’s intimacy needs
- extrovert male may unconsciously resent feeling dependent on partner’s stability
Tips for couples in social situations when she is an extrovert and he is an introvert see: Staying In ‘Sync’ When He Is An Extrovert and She Is an Introvert and simply reverse the genders.
If you are an extroverted woman in a relationship with an introverted man (or vice-versa) and are facing any of these challenges, counselling can be of great benefit. Please book a Phone Consultation.